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I have been slipping lately. Recent events have brought me to an airbrushed front over a sullen interior. Tricky times. Feeling like a snail on the pavement of life, there seems to be salt at every turn... I want to crawl in my humbled shell.
The bricks keep stacking higher, but I have to pretend there is no construction. It is polite.
God, I hate money.
Where are the rose colored glasses? They are a heavy hue of black. Holding it together with weak glue is fine until the birdhouse collapses and you can no longer shelter your lack of content. My soul worries for others until I start to brew. I feel like a failure when I can't Bob Vila my way through and fix everything. Worrying is a weight that I can't seem to shake. Like taking a hot breath... stifled. I need some refreshment.
Like the starfish metaphor... I believe in helping others. I also believe there is some sort of sanity in knowing you cannot save everything. I sometimes get overwhelmed and go completely insane and loose it concentrating on how much devestation exists in the world.
People do not have water? Food? I have made it my life goal to get through school and hopefully get a job that can generate the angry dollar so I can help many people. Some existentialism helps float me along reminding me I can only do so much without losing my mind. All the problems that arise and tumble down in my own life and all the problems in the world. There are so many hands... I have to remember I can touch many but not all, and that it is okay. Mental peace.
My heart is so full of compassion it is hard to stomach existing. I have to find a place of serenity. xo jenn
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